


Angels of Porn

by SpillingOurGuts



Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, SebaCiel - Freeform, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, but not really because it's not a relationship, but thought i should tag anyway because sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-04
Updated: 2018-08-27
Packaged: 2018-09-06 08:27:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8742358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpillingOurGuts/pseuds/SpillingOurGuts
Summary: They were like angels sent from heaven with their pale skin decorated with dark bruises and angry red scratches. These children just wanted to die, but they were stuck in an endless cycle of abuse. Their childhood was stolen. Gross adults hurt them, and more gross adults paid to watch.Ciel Phantomhive should have been used to it by now. He should have been able to handle what ever was thrown at him, because how could it possibly get worse than being kidnapped and forced into the child porn industry? But he didn't know just how far the porn would go. He had no idea what was in store for him.





	1. Obviam Corvus

**Author's Note:**

> This story deals with very serious issues, and I am in no way condoning the acts portrayed and mentioned. Sexual abuse is very serious, especially when involving children, and I highly encourage you to do what you can to help those who fall victim to this. Listen to victims, believe them, and be there for them.
> 
> That being said, please read cautiously, and feel free to drop the story if it makes you uncomfortable or triggers any kind of memories or feelings. I deeply apologize if this story triggers you. However, I am writing this for me, and placing appropriate warnings. I am in no way glorifying or romanticizing the events portrayed, and I sincerely hope that this story doesn't come across as doing so.

"This will be your new partner." The man told Sebastian as he handed him a picture of a young boy that was tied up and beaten badly. He nodded as he studied the picture, taking in every feature. The boy's hair was an intriguing dark shade that looked blue in that lighting. The man didn't say anything as he grabbed Sebastian's arm and lead him to the room where the boy stayed.

"This is it?" Sebastian asked disappointedly. The state that these rooms were in were disgusting, but it wasn't his place to complain. The man who lead him nodded and walked off, leaving Sebastian alone with the boy and the camera man who was probably already in the room getting set up. He sighed as he opened the door and walked in. The sudden noise must have startled the boy, because he jumped up and instinctively tried to cover himself.

"What's your name?" Sebastian asked him. He always asked for names; he enjoyed knowing them. He walked over and sat on the bed next to the boy and placed his hand on the boy's knee. This kid looked truly pitiful, but Sebastian saw beauty in the despair. The picture did not do him justice.

“Um, C-Ciel.” The boy stuttered as he looked up, gasping a bit when he locked eyes with Sebastian. Probably a reaction to his crimson eyes. His partners always commented on how that added to his devilish persona. Ciel quickly looked away, scratching at his arm. Was it part of his withdrawals or a nervous tick? Sebastian didn’t know, but he had hoped it was part of the withdrawals. He always insisted that his partners be completely sober for at least three days, something about fucking a kid who didn’t even know who he was just didn’t sit right with him. It was like necrophilia to him. Pointless and boring.

He nodded, "Ciel's a nice name, mine is Sebastian." He said in a smooth tone. This kid was clearly uncomfortable, but that didn't bother him. Sebastian gently stroked Ciel's leg, his fingers lingering on the boy's upper thigh. Ciel's skin was beautiful. He looked like porcelain decorated with patches of blue and purple and even a few shades of yellow and green where the bruises were fading. They added a nice contrast.

“Sebastian…” Ciel repeated in what almost sounded like a dream like state. The boy looked spaced out as he stared straight ahead. Sebastian gently moved his hand up Ciel’s thigh, causing Ciel to snap back into the moment. The boy looked up at Sebastian with a sweet smile on his face. Fake.

“Don’t pretend. Let how you really feel shine through.” Sebastian said quietly as he leaned closer to the boy, his breath hot against Ciel’s ear. He had been in the business long enough to know that Ciel was putting on a show. Hell, Sebastian had been in Ciel’s position for most of his child hood. One would call him seasoned in this line of work.

“I, uh, I w-want someone else…” Ciel muttered looking up at the man who was adjusting the camera that was undoubtedly already recording. Sebastian had a feeling that his demand made the boy uncomfortable. Being called out like that wasn’t a good situation for anyone, and he already knew that Ciel probably found some form of comfort in pretending to be someone else during sex. Sebastian chuckled as he leaned down closer to Ciel.

"I'm sure you do, but we've been paired up. This is what they want. You'll see why I'm so special sooner or later" He whispered into the boy's ear. A devilish smirk played its way onto Sebastian's lips as he stared into Ciel's eyes. He didn't look away as he grabbed the boy's wrists and dug his sharp nails into them. This kid had no idea what had been requested. He had no idea how right he was to want someone else. Sebastian could hear a faint gasp come from Ciel, and he dug is nails in deeper.

"S-stop!" Ciel screamed out. He was crying now. Sebastian smiled smugly to himself as he leaned down and slowly licked the tears away. He hadn’t been familiar with Ciel’s past performances, but he was very certain that the boy hadn’t cried on camera in a long time.

"I'm afraid I can't do that." He said in a sickeningly sultry tone. "I just can't help myself." He half growled as he pinned Ciel down to the bed. Sebastian leaned in, ready to assault the boy's neck with his aggressive mouth. He first licked Ciel's skin, getting low enough that the longest of his top teeth just barely touched the boy. Easing into the act, Sebastian started with kissing, then sucking, and then he escalated to biting. His grip on Ciel's wrists loosened and his hands trailed down to his torso, making sure to drag his nails across the boy’s skin, irritating it and causing long red marks to raise up. Sebastian stopped when his hands reached the boy’s hips. Ciel was very slender, and his hip bones stuck out a bit. Sebastian grabbed Ciel’s hips, digging his nails into the skin hard enough to break it.

Ciel let out a whimper that made Sebastian only want to hurt him more. Sebastian loved the little helpless noises. He lived for them. He craved the power that he felt he had in these scenarios. But before he realized it, Ciel had lowered his arms and tried to push Sebastian away, throwing him off his balance enough for Ciel to slip out from underneath him.

"You think you can escape?" Sebastian let out a deep throated laugh. He admired that the boy still had a will to fight, but he knew it was all in vain. He quickly grabbed Ciel's arm, pulling the boy over to him. Sebastian held a firm grip as he dragged Ciel back over to the bed and pushed him down against the mattress. He didn't bother reaching for any of the restraints. It was too early for those.

"I d-don't want this! G-get me someone else please?" Ciel called out, probably trying to save himself from whatever it was he thought Sebastian would do to him. He was full on crying now. Sebastian didn’t know what exactly the boy had in mind, but he knew that if Ciel knew his reputation, the boy would have every right to protest for someone else. Sebastian placed his knees on either side of Ciel, using his entire body to pin the boy in place. He worked his hands under Ciel, digging his nails into the flesh on his back and dragging his fingers down as he aggressively kissed him. Sebastian only had one restriction, and that was to not hold back. He had been told that Ciel could withstand a lot, and the audience wanted to see the boy break. That was why Sebastian was called for after all.

"Someone just... H-help me!" Ciel sobbed as he struggled. "M-make it stop!" Sebastian smirked as he removed his hands from Ciel's back, giving him a false sense of relief. After giving it a second, he let his hands travel towards more vulnerable and sensitive regions, grabbing hold of the boy's testicles, he was sure to be rough as he played with them. It only made Ciel cry out louder. Sebastian knew that up until now, Ciel had only been kissed and gently fucked. That’s how all the children were treated at first. He knew from experience that this company preferred to keep things ‘tame’ as an introduction to this lifestyle. And there was always someone who was new to child porn and just wanted to see something vanilla. He also knew that Ciel was probably being reminded right now just how helpless he really was. Just how bad his situation was. Sebastian gave Ciel one harsh squeeze before removing his hands and flipping the boy over, exposing his back side. He leaned down and licked the blood that was trickling from some of the marks that he had left on Ciel's back. His hands stroked down the boy's sides, wrapping around to Ciel's front and gripping onto his thighs. Sebastian let his tongue travel down the boy's back until he reached his ass. Sebastian paused for a moment before sucking in a mouthful of flesh and biting down hard, breaking through some of the skin. Ciel screamed and his breathing grew heavy and sporadic as Sebastian licked up the fresh blood and ran his hands up to the boy's asshole, having a finger slip in to tease around.

"S-stop! P-please!" Ciel begged, beginning to struggle again. Sebastian let his finger probe around a bit before sliding it out and then slipping two in, gradually feeling around and stretching the boy's tight hole. He knew that this was only making Ciel feel worse. He knew that none of this was consensual. But did that matter? Not to the viewers. Not to his boss and Ciel’s kidnappers. And it didn’t matter to him. He spread his fingers before he pulled them out of Ciel. He paused for a moment.

"Take them off." He ordered Ciel as he pointed to his pants. He loved making the victim play an active role in the game. It heightened the sense of dread that the poor kid would feel, knowing that Sebastian would be violating him even more as soon as he was done. Ciel didn’t make a move to follow his order though. The boy just lay there, shaking and crying. Sebastian cocked his head to the side as he watched Ciel. He stayed silent for a moment, giving the boy time to comprehend the situation.

"Are you disobeying me?" He asked in an overly calm tone, drawing out the vowel sound in ‘me’. Ciel looked up at Sebastian for the first time since he’d introduced himself. He could see the fear and dread in the boy’s eyes as Ciel tentatively reached down and unbuttoned Sebastian’s pants. The was a moment of prolonged eye contact before Ciel then grabbed the top hem and gently pulled it down. Sebastian helped wriggle himself out of his pants and once they were off, Sebastian gently caressed Ciel's inner thigh, letting his fingers tease around as he neared the boy's penis. He was drawing out the time between now and when he would be done, making this torture last as long as possible. He let his finger gently brush up against Ciel's tip. He paused there for a moment as he carefully picked out his next order.

"Touch me." He said in a low tone. He wanted the boy to play a more active role. He wanted the boy to have no doubt in his mind that he was the reason that Sebastian would be erect. He wanted Ciel to feel responsible somehow for what Sebastian would do to him without his consent.

"Please stop... " Ciel whispered in a panicky voice. "I don't want this." Sebastian almost laughed. It didn’t matter what Ciel wanted. It didn’t matter what any of them wanted. The only desires that mattered were the desires of paying customers. This was just a job to Sebastian.

"Well, that's just too damn bad." Sebastian growled back. "Now do as I say, otherwise you'll regret it. Wish you were even dead. It couldn't possibly get worse for you if you disobey me." His eyes were cold as he stared Ciel down.

"I don't want this." Ciel repeated. "I do not wish to continue this." He sounded quite calm, almost. But Sebastian knew that it was just a front. He knew that on the inside, the boy was far from calm. Why was Ciel so damned determined to keep up a strong and collected façade?

"You're mine now, do you really think you can just call for someone else? Is that what you usually do? How many have you started but couldn't finish?" Sebastian asked, knowing he had mostly likely struck a nerve. Ciel turned is head to the side, most likely to avoid looking at Sebastian.

“Please, give me someone else.” Ciel said again. It was like he was unaware of what Sebastian had been saying. It was like he was unaware of where he was and what position he was in. Ciel had no right to bark requests like that. Children have no rights in this business. They’re just toys. Pawns meant to be sacrificed for entertainment. Sebastian knew that. So why couldn’t Ciel grasp that? He was growing frustrated with this damn brat.

"I'm here to stay." He replied as he grabbed a handful of Ciel’s hair and tossed him to the floor. "Now do as I told you." He said as he placed his foot on the boy's crotch, hoping that'd provide some sort of motivation. But Ciel didn’t make a move, he just stared up at Sebastian with a dumb look on his face. Sebastian applied more pressure to Ciel's crotch. He was going to get this brat to obey him, even if that meant squishing his groin.

"S-stop!" Ciel screamed out in pain. He tried to push Sebastian’s foot away, but that only caused him to press down harder.

"Then do as I have ordered." He hissed. Ciel paused before he positioned himself to where he could reach Sebastian’s dick without unnecessarily hurting his own. Ciel’s cold, soft fingers shyly caressed Sebastian, providing a refreshing sense of stimulation. Sebastian eased the pressure he had been applying, but his foot remained in place. He leaned back and opened himself up more, allowing Ciel to have more access. Ciel pushed Sebastian's foot away slowly, and sat on his knees instead, moving up as he began to suck on him, slowly, looking up with innocent eyes. The boy had regained composure. Disgusted, Sebastian kneed the boy with more force than necessary, sending him down to the ground.

"I thought I told you to stop pretending. A pitiful being like yourself isn't innocent, so don't try to make me believe otherwise." Sebastian said sternly as he glared down at Ciel.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Ciel said in a small voice. He looked up at Sebastian with those fake eyes again, probably hoping to stir up some sense of sympathy. But Sebastian wasn’t easy. He didn’t feel sorry for Ciel. He had been like him once, and Sebastian had made it out alive.

"Cut the bullshit." Sebastian growled, "I know who you are, so this little act doesn't work on me. I already told you to stop pretending. Are you going to disobey that order?" He knew that he shouldn’t feel so personal about this, but he wasn’t used to his partner so adamantly disobeying his orders. He wasn’t used to his kid being able to put on a façade.

“I’m telling you, this isn’t an act.” Ciel looked down. Was he avoiding eye contact because he was lying? Sebastian stopped for a moment and watched Ciel, trying to gauge the situation. He was certain that this boy wasn't as calm and poised as he was putting on. And he sure as hell knew this kid wasn't innocent.

“Do you really expect me that a slut like you is innocent? No kid just starts sucking dick and doesn’t understand shit.” Sebastian growled. He didn’t _actually_ think Ciel was a slut. He knew that this was all circumstantial, but he also knew that a kid of his age knew enough to think that he was a slut for having been fucked as many times as Ciel no doubted had. The boy was quiet. Sebastian assumed that Ciel had nothing he could say in response to that without breaking down. He’d been there once.

“Can we just continue with the show.” Ciel mumbled quietly as he sat up and scooted closer. He was crying again. Sebastian nodded, secretly relieved that the kid had stopped trying to just swap him out. Ready to get back into it, he leaned back and motioned for Ciel to get back to work. Ciel wrapped his lips around Sebastian’s dick once again, tenderly sucking while the boy’s tears fell from his face and landed on his shaft.


	2. What's the Difference Between Dread and Anxiety?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you've made it this far, I hope you continue to read this story. It really means a lot to me. However, please please please drop this story if it at any point makes you uncomfortable or feel triggered. Please take care of yourself, and I understand if this story crosses a line or goes to far. It is not my intention to hurt real people with this story, so I hope you take my warnings into consideration.
> 
> This chapter does not contain explicit descriptions of sexual content. However, there will be quite a bit of it sprinkled through out this story. So I will be adding a warning at the beginning of each chapter. Thank you to those who are sticking it out and reading this. I know it's hard to read. It's not supposed to be fun, hot, or any other positive description.

Ciel laid back on his piss and semen stained mattress, staring up at the ceiling. He didn’t know when he stopped caring about the cleanliness, or lack there of, in this place. His “toilet” was just a bucket that got dumped every morning before the “clients” or other on camera partners showed up. Having a pile of shit in the corner was a bit of a turn off for most people.

Endless suffering. That was his life now. To Ciel, the days went by in a hazy blur with only the sharp prick of a needle to mark the time. He was injected with PCP every twelve hours to keep him in a near constant state of numbness where he could hardly tell if he was awake. Ciel had no idea how long he had been here. The drug worked wonders on his will to forget. In his more sober moments, he could faintly recall that many nights had passed. Thirty maybe? It was just a guess, but he figured that it had to have been a month at _least_ since he was brought here. There was a light knock on the door, and Ciel turned his head to see who was coming in.

“It’s been another twelve hours, boy.” A gruffly man mumbled as he laid out his syringes on the bed next to Ciel. He watched as the man picked one up and wiped the tip off on his pants. They didn’t believe in clean needles here. Ciel learned that early on when he caught an infection.

“Hey, wait, Michaelis has this one!” A much younger man yelled frantically as he ran in. “This kid doesn’t get any dust for a while.” The gruffly man grunted and started to pack his syringes up.

Ciel desperately wanted to ask who Michaelis was, and why he couldn’t get any drugs. He didn’t know how long it had been, but he was fairly certain that he had been skipped a few times during the rounds. But he stayed quiet. He had learned the hard way that asking too many questions was a bad idea. During one of his first few days, he had been beaten badly and wasn’t allowed to eat that day because he wanted to ask questions. Why was he here? Who was going to be ‘having’ him? What were they injecting him with? Why did he feel so weird? They were all good questions. Some he learned the answers to as well. But he shouldn’t have asked them. He knew that now.

Ciel sat up and scratched his arm as he watched the two men leave and shut the door behind them. He was locked in again. He knew that some kids got to go out and pretend to socialize with one another. He could hear them talking sometimes as they walked past his door. That’s how he knew he wasn’t the only one living through this. Or at least he hoped that was the case. A small part of him thought that the voices he heard were hallucinations or maybe even recordings that were played to give him a false sense of comradery and hope, but that really wasn’t likely.

Taking a deep breath, Ciel stretched his arms up over his head. He felt like he had to keep busy now. He was sober. And he had grown to hate such clarity. When his thoughts where loud, he had to think them. He couldn’t run from them and suppress them. Instead, he had to face his trauma. And now his trauma had a name.

“Se-ba-sti-an.” Ciel repeated the name slowly. He had done this to the point where it no longer sounded like name, but more like some abstract idea that he couldn’t quite grasp. No one had introduced themselves to Ciel since he had gotten here, so that alone was enough to make Sebastian stand out against the rest of the empty sex. But the lingering thoughts didn’t stop there. No, they wandered into the territories that Ciel hadn’t wanted to acknowledge. Yes, he knew that he had been molested and raped countless times here. He had been forced to touch and suck on various appendages, some of which felt diseased and he was sure he’d contract something if he hadn’t already. But something about Ciel’s encounter with Sebastian felt more personal. He hadn’t felt that vulnerable, well, ever. And he had been the one forced to do most of the sensual genital touching. Ciel had never been treated so harshly by a “partner”. Typically, it was a bit of unwanted foreplay, a little bit of smacking around when Ciel wasn’t “feeling it”, followed by a bit of “vanilla” fucking, and that was the end of it. No kinks and no strings attached. He never saw the same man twice. But he had a feeling that he’d be seeing Sebastian again. All he really did was just suck the guy off and get smacked around, and as much as he hated it, Ciel realized that that was very unfinished in this business. There was always more to his little “task” then a sad blow job.

Ciel sighed as he stood up. He was incredibly bored, and his body ached. He needed to get out of this room. How long did he have to be here before they’d let him out? Did he have to prove himself? What would he have to do? Ciel wasn’t sure if he wanted to know kind of sick tasks he’d have to complete to “prove himself”. This whole situation was completely fucked up. And he knew that there was nothing he could do about it. How could he? What can a twelve-year-old do in his situation? It’s not like he could pull off killing everyone responsible for holding him here. It’s not like he could escape when he couldn’t even leave this sorry excuse for a room. Even if he managed to escape his room, he wouldn’t be able to navigate his way out of this place if he’s never seen the outside of this God forsaken room.

He just wanted another hit of whatever it was they gave him. He needed it to sooth his mind. Realistically speaking, Ciel knew that he was stuck here. But if his mind was submerged into the comforting haze that he now craved, he wouldn’t have to be fully aware of that. A part of him just wished that whoever was in charge would just kill him already. He didn’t want to live like this. Who would? The dread of what was sure to come was enough weigh his mind down to the floor. And he didn’t think he could handle being nailed down.

There was another knock on his door. This one being much louder, more aggressive. Ciel’s body jerked up in response to the suddenness. Who could that be? He never had anyone come to his room after his “duties” for the day were over. He wanted to shout out and ask who was there. But would that be wise? Instead he kept his eye on the door. He watched as the door knob wiggled a little as the person on the other side unlocked it, and he watched as it twisted.

Sebastian?

“Ciel, right?” Sebastian asked as he closed the door behind him and leaned against it. Ciel nodded. “Good, didn’t want to get the wrong name. Anyway, just thought I’d give you the heads up that I’ll be your partner indefinitely. Something about the producer really liking the aesthetic of us together? And also, I bring a lot to the table that can appeal to many little niche audiences.”

Ciel didn’t know what to make of this. Why was Sebastian here explaining things to him? Sure, he’d never had a partner for more than one session, so he didn’t have any experience with long term one, but this still seemed odd for the situation. Why was Sebastian being so personal with him?

“I know this must confuse you, but this is just my style.” He shrugged, “I find the dynamic more interesting when you form a more personal bond with your partner. It adds an extra layer of vulnerability.” Sebastian said casually as he stared Ciel down.

“D-do you, um, have a lot of experience with this?” Ciel asked, not sure if he should. But he wanted more insight. He wanted to understand what was happening to him. And Sebastian seemed the most likely to talk.

“You could say this is my life.” Sebastian said. His tone was weird, and Ciel couldn’t quite place it. A mix of sarcasm with a hint of bitterness?

“What do you mean?” Ciel asked, a little louder. He was by no means comfortable, but he felt like Sebastian wouldn’t beat him for asking too much.

“What do you think I mean? What do you think happens to kids like you when they grow up? What do you think happens to kids who are raised in this shit? What happens to the good ones? The ones people like?” Sebastian replied, almost as if he were trying to create a common link to bond over.

“You’re like me?” Ciel asked, feeling a mix of hope and dread. Sebastian seemed to be doing well. He had a bit of authority here. But Ciel also wasn’t keen on the idea of being stuck in this business.

“Well, in a sense. I was brought in at a much younger age.” Sebastian answered with a shrug. “And it looks like they treat you kidnapped ones like absolute trash. Must be tough.” Ciel looked at Sebastian, trying to figure out what he was hinting at. Was Sebastian saying that he hadn’t been kidnapped? Did that mean he was born here?

“Wait, are you-“

“No, I’m not a porn baby if that’s what you’re asking. My dad has been involved in this whole business since before I was born, and he saw me as a ticket to getting a higher position.” Why was Sebastian sharing so much? Was this part of him trying to form a bond?

“Do you tell all your kids this?” Ciel asked, feeling a little betrayed. But what did he expect? This man was probably lying to him. There was no way a victim of this would grow up and be part of the cycle. It had to be a lie. Right?

“Do you not believe me?” Sebastian said in a challenging tone as he walked over to Ciel. Ciel shook his head, feeling too intimidated to speak. If it was true, he would feel awful about doubting. “Don’t worry, most smart kids approach me with skepticism.” Sebastian patted Ciel’s head, his hand lingering longer than it should have.

Ciel wanted to tell him to stop touching him. He wanted to smack Sebastian’s arm away. But he shouldn’t. Couldn’t. No one like when the kid they paid for puts up a fight. And Ciel didn’t like being punished more than he had to be. He didn’t like how the men who patrolled the halls felt they were entitled to his body when no one was around. And if he gave them a reason to punish him, they’d take advantage.

“You’re a good kid. Just do what I say, and drop the fucking facades when we’re working. Then you’ll be, eh, okay.” Sebastian said as he turned towards the door. Ciel watched as Sebastian left the room, leaving him alone once more.

Something about the whole encounter seemed off. He couldn’t quite figure out what exactly was unsettling. Maybe it was the pause before Sebastian said he’d be okay. Or maybe it was how easily he had shared that sensitive information with him. What Ciel did know was that he didn’t like it. The whole exchange made him uncomfortable. Sure, that could be because of his environment and the circumstances he met Sebastian under, but this discomfort felt deeper than that. He felt an impending dread. He felt like Sebastian would be the worst thing to ever happen to him. Would be the end of him.

But maybe he was just imagining things. That was probably it. How could Sebastian be so different from every other man who wanted to fuck kids? Ciel was probably just feeling anxious about what new things Sebastian would introduce. It was very apparent that Sebastian was probably into some kinks. That had to be it. He was just anxious of being forced into new things. Feeling a little relieved at that self-realization, Ciel laid back down on his dirty mattress and went back to staring at the ceiling. There wasn’t much else he could do any way, and sleeping had proven more difficult when he was sober. His sober nightmares had somehow managed to surpass the trauma of what he had been forced to experience here.

Who would have thought that his young mind could have imagined worse things than the near constant rape and molestation? Or perhaps he was just reliving these experiences without the haze that usually muddled his mind. Either way, sleep was no longer a desirable escape. So Ciel just laid there, trying to not hear his thoughts. Trying to not accept his reality. How could he? How could he accept that not even a year ago he was happy and had a family. A family that loved him. And he had never seen a penis other than his own. And he didn’t know what it felt liked to be forced to deep throat someone. Or what it was like to have someone’s fingers or penis shoved into his ass. Before, he couldn’t even imagine the horror. He couldn’t have even imagined what it felt like to be violated. He wished he could go back. Back to before. He missed his family. His mom, his dad, his brother. He missed his dog. Sebastian.

Ciel blinked as the name of his dog crossed his mind. Wait. How had he not realized? It wasn’t like Sebastian was a rare, unheard of name, but Ciel hadn’t thought about meeting someone with the same name as his dog. But it’s not like that had mattered here. He didn’t get to know the names.

Was that why Sebastian made him so uncomfortable? It’s like the man was rewriting over Ciel’s past associations with the name “Sebastian” and painting over the happy feelings with pain. It was such a weird coincidence. Did they know? The people in charge here. Did they know that Ciel had a dog named Sebastian? What all did they know about Ciel’s personal life? Did they know about his cousin? And did they know he had a brother?

Ciel tried to shake the thought by actually shaking his head until it hurt. He was crying. Not sure what to do with himself, he turned over on his side. Maybe sleeping wouldn’t be so bad tonight. Sleep did sound nice. His eyelids felt heavy, and he had had a big day. So he deserved a good night’s rest. Hell, he deserved to wake up from this nightmare and return to his normal life without any memory of it. He didn’t deserve to be here. But then again, no one in his situation deserved it.


	3. What Does It Mean To Be Empty?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter includes mentions of past sexual abuse, and necrophilia.

Sebastian took a deep breath, organizing his scattered thoughts as he shut the door to Ciel’s room. It had been a long day. His previous partner, Luka, had finally broken down and died, and Sebastian had to deal with disposing the body. That had to be the worst part of his job, and no matter how many partners he went through, he still couldn’t get used to the monotonous routine. It was irrational given the precautions he took, but he still feared that he risked exposing the business every time he traveled across the border to Wales to meet up with his mortician friend. The man was kind enough to take care of cremating the bodies, so long as Sebastian let him do whatever he wanted to the body beforehand.  
Sebastian had been introduced to the peculiar man after his third partner had died. His boss figured it was time that he be given the role of disposal. And that meant getting to know the man who let his profession define him. Undertaker was what he went by, and he had agreed to work with the company for a hefty payment as long as he got the bodies fully intact. He felt that the ones who were in pieces were less fun. Sebastian didn’t exactly condone necrophilia, but he figured it was none of his business. Besides, he didn’t care what happened to these kids once they were out of his hands.

Letting out a soft sigh, Sebastian stretched his arms up above his head. He should probably check in with his father, Mr. Michaelis; give an update on Luka and Ciel. He was sure he’d be better off doing it now instead of waiting to be called in. Besides, it had been a while since he had last spoken to the man, and his father really didn’t appreciate being left out of the loop. Sebastian smirked as he walked down the dingy hall. He could ask his father for more information on Ciel. And the more information he knew, the deeper he could get. The more pain he could cause.

“Good to see you, boy,” Sebastian heard his father’s voice, interrupting his train of thought. There was something unsettling about this man. His skin had dried out and shriveled up years ago, and his hook nose made him look almost comical. His thinning, unwashed hair had started turning grey recently, and he now that that salt and pepper effect. “How come you don’t come to visit your father once in a while?”

“I was just about to make my way down to your office.” Sebastian stated. He looked his father over, his thoughts racing to find the right way to present his updates.

“Looks like we had a similar thought pattern, I was actually trying to find you as well.” The older man chuckled as he wrapped his arm around his son’s shoulders. “ I may have a proposal for you, just a little something you could do on the side. See, our more loyal and extreme viewers have grown very fond of you, and I’d like to start putting you into some more, ah, less intense works as well.”

“You know how I feel about that.”

“Ah, yes, but I was hoping that you’d reconsider. You’re a big hit with a lot of the viewers, and I think you could help us attract a wider array of viewers. I know the focus is on the children, but it helps tremendously if the adult has a pretty face as well.”

“And what exactly do you mean by less intense?”

“Oh, you know, just some vanilla introductory things. You’d be working with new kids or ones that are popular among that sub-genre.” Sebastian’s father took his arm back to his side as he spoke, almost fiddling with his fingers.

“I will not be the one who introduces some poor kid to this shit. I’m not doing it.” Sebastian said sternly. He stared at his father with a cold glare. He only worked with kids who already had been exposed to this life.

“Sebastian, don’t be like that. I am your father, and you should treat me with respect.”

“Because a molesting son-of-a-bitch deserves respect, right?” There was a suffocating silence that coated the air as Sebastian waited for the consequence of what he had said.

“You’re no better.” Mr. Michaelis stared Sebastian down. “You have a pattern. I have yet to see a child survive being assigned to you.”

“At least these kids aren’t biologically mine,” Sebastian mumbled as his eyes shifted to the side. He knew that bringing up the past wasn’t going to matter; his father had a fucked up perception of what he had done. His father somehow thought that what he had put Sebastian through was for the best.

“Look, I know that you have an issue with how I chose to advance in my career, but look what I was able to do. Because of what I did, you and your mother got to live a lavish lifestyle. You wanted for nothing because everything was yours. And, hey, you’re lucky I let you stay in this business.”

“Lucky?” Sebastian couldn’t believe this man. Wanted for nothing? He had spent his entire life longing for a sense of safety and innocence. Longing for the childhood that was ripped away from him.

“Given the disrespectful way you treat me, and the rate you cause our supply to diminish, I should have sacked you years ago.” Mr. Michaelis sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “I’m trying to keep a business going here, and every thing that I’ve done has been for financial stability. You may not have known this, but when you were born, your mother and I were struggling to even feed ourselves. I wasn’t going to let you starve, even if that meant getting involved in this little fetish ring.”

“You exploited me.” Sebastian growled. His shaking hands curled up into fists.

“Even so, I protected you. I did what I did to you because I didn’t want anyone else hurting you. I couldn’t live with myself if I had let someone else abuse you the way they do the other kids. You were safe and in a controlled environment.”

“Do you even hear what you’re saying?”

“I do. And I also hear what you’re saying. I’m sorry that you feel that way, but I feel like I did what I should have done as your father. I took care of you, and made sure your needs were met.”

“Fuck this.” Sebastian turned his back to his father and started to walk away. “I have things to get done anyway.” He wasn’t going to stand around and be guilted into being the son his father wanted. Why was this so important to him? Sebastian had spent years wishing that his father would come to his senses and find a real job and get him out of this mess. He spent the last ten years wishing the same thing for himself. But he felt stuck. Besides at this point what could he do? He didn’t have any legal experience. He hadn’t even finished secondary school.

“I’ll see you for supper tonight.” Mr. Michaelis said in a kinder tone. Sebastian tossed his hand up in the air, flipping his father off. It wasn’t the most classy thing, but it got his point across. His father would get over it, especially since it was their monthly dinner meeting tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for such a long wait!! But I'm back to this story, and I can't wait to share with you guys what I have in store! This chapter is a bit shorter than the last two, but I promise the wait for the next chapter will not be as long. Again, I'm sorry!


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